"HANK!!!!! WHAT THE FUKC ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!" Walter screamed as he turned to face Hank. Hank let go of Skyler's body and pulled out a small book. "I looted your house, dumbass. I found this while I was taking a massive shit after I killed your psycho bitch wife." He opened the book yada yada yada somehting about W.W. Walter gasped. "Hank. I need to know if you grabbed it while you were on the toilet or following the shit." Hank looked down and cleared his throat before looking back up. "I grabbed it mid-shit." Walter screamed as he charged at Hank, dead child in hand as he battered Hank's body with it. "YOU FUCKER YOU DIDNT WASH YOUR HANDS YOURE GOIGN TO PAY FOR THIS" "WALTY STOP!!!!!" He sobbed as the bones of the child bruised his skin. Then Walter saw the body of Skyler and decided to pounce on her, feeding on the flesh. Hank quickly got up as he observed him, taking the opportunity to take out his video camera. "WALT" He yelled as Walter twisted his head in a 360 degree angle to look at him. He quickly fumbled for the video evidence of Jessaul Dingle and Quandale, quickly putting the video on as he pointed the camera at his face. "This is the truth, Walt..." He began to weep. "This is the truth of Saul, Gus, and your sugar baby Jesse." He sobbed as Walter stared at the video tape in disbelief, beginning to screech as his eyes melted. Hank slowly put the camera down, coming over to gently rub the bald expanse of Walter's head as he continued screeching, his eye juice beginning to seep onto the grass below and onto Hank's hand, who was curious and decided to lick it. It was...amazing. "Walt...oh my god. Walt! I think the key to defeating Quandale and Jessaul is to combine the Saul cheese fleshlights with your eye juice because that makes a lot of sense!"
Walters heard a lot of shit during this but never has he heard a more shit idea than that. He grimaced as he blinked up at Hank, trying to expel his eye water as he began to speak. "Hank that is the shittiest idea ever" "but it makes a lot of sense!" "no. no it doesn't. no amount of chemistry or pixie dust will make this happen." "Come on, walty-kun!" Walter screamed as Hank began to drag him, walking off to wherever Jessaul and Quandale were."
"Teeheehee stop!!!!~" Gus giggled as a group of sweaty men were tickling him with their ventricles, getting suspiciously close to his unwashed john. As it did actually make contact with his unwashed hamroll a colony of maggots wriggled their way up the tentacles, the men giggling as it tickled them. "I told you guys to stop!!!!!! I forgot to feed my pets today..." Gus blushed as the maggots began to consume the men, and they screamed as the maggots converted their flesh into a a pile of silicone fleshlight molds on the floor. All the other gay sweaty men at the establishment once known as XXX Homo Bear Gay Bar and Chicken Shack screamed as they ran away from the scene, many being trampled to death as they tried to escape out of the only entrance which was a door made specifically for people the height of 2 feet and below. Blood and high testosterone levels pooled on the floor as men were crushed, and eventually the maggots made their way to the crowd. Soon enough, the floor was littered with silicone fleshlight molds.
Gus hummed as he went over to the piles, taking out his large sack and bundling them inside. He sighed in pleasure at the thought of a new business venture; quisine made out of silicone fleshlight molds. He grumbled when he realized silicone fleshlight molds would most likely not beat Saul's ambitious necrotic saul cheese pussies. Upon realizing this, he began to sob quietly as he kept cleaning the semen covered floor of the molds.
"GUS!!!!!! Or shoudl I say.......QUANDALE DINGLE." Gus looked in the direction of Hank's booming voice, realizing he entered through the floor. "Hank how the fuck did you break through the dloor." Hank chuckled as he rubbed his chin with his diabeetus knuckles. "The semen saturated the hardwood enough to make it as pliable as toddler shit." "B-but I just opened this extablishment TODAY!! I know the men here ejaculate at the same amount as an adolescent sperm whale but it takes DAYS for it to saturate it this much. Speaking from experience." "Well, clearly, Quandarius the 7nd, you don't have as much experience as you think. I studied the men here personally and I can say their semen is acidic enough to melt through tungsten within a milisecond. also the floor was already saturated with semen a long time ago. Me and my fellas tasted it. Definetly marinated in it too...hoo nelly, it's got to have been in there for at least a couple of decades, maybe 4?" "what the fuck" the men took this moment of astonishment for walter to jump at gus from behind. What hank did not expect was for Walt to suddenly start dry humping gus violently as he screamed in painful ecstatsstsysyu.
"NO WALT, THE MAGGOTS!" Hank screamed at the top of his lungs as they began swarming Walt. But Walt was immune. He began shoving piles of the worms in his mouth as Gus moaned. "Walt, stop! WALT! WALT FUCKING STOP! GUS FEELS THE SENSATIONS THE MAGGOTS FEEL! IF YOU KEEP GOING HES GONNA BE ABLE TO GARNER ENOUGH PLEASURE TO TURN INTO-" Hank screamed as a bright light flooded the room, pushing everyone but Gus back. Both Hank and Walt hit the walls opposite from eachother, and they realized that they were bound to them by the congealed semen that collected there. "WALT! I TOLD YOU TO CONTROL YOUR LIBIDO AND NOW ITS ALL YOUR FAULT" Walt was about to open his mouth when he was interupted by the voice of...JESSAUL DINGLE????!!!! "yo, Walter Hartwell White, Hank Shitter, you have been fooled. and now, you must pay by joining the collection of necrotic saul cheese fleshights, now known as necrotic jessaul cheese fleshlights." "AUUSHHHHHHHHJJJJJJJHJHHSHHHHHGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK" Hank didn't know whether he was the one screaming or if it was Walt. All he knew is that he felt full. then, he blacked out.
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On the fateful day of May 22, 2018, Hank Schrader Breaking Bad woke up in his bed. He remembers a bald man with a beard and glasses invited him to the 'cookout' this morning. He doesn't realize it's Walter, but he has prosopagnosia so he can't really connect the dots. Anyway, the morning was peaceful. It always is after a hardcore night of Rocket League. "Wow I sure hope Valve added the sex update." (he learned that joke from the twitters)" Speaking of Twitter, Hank decided to roll off the bed and open it on his phone, briefly typing in 'sex gifs' before sending it, closing his phone shortly after. That was his social media time for today.
Wait. He already tweeted sex gifs...but he can't find it in his tweets. Oh, well. He'd better head to the cookout that handsome rogue invited him to.
"yo and like and like jane she like uhhhhh she like she put some chocolate sauce in uhhhh the thingy like the thingy that goes uh in the like armular area liek uhhhh the thing and uh" "Thats very nice, Jesse," Marie akwardly stated as Skyler uncomfortably smiled. "Anyway, Sky, when's your shedding gonna start? I can alreday feel my dermis getting softer and it's only February!" "What??? Lucky! Aw, I think I shed my shell around April this year. I'm kind of scared about how Walt's gonna feel about it this year. Last time, he said i looked like Jabba The Hut while I was shedding. Needless to say, from that day on he became a sackless man." Both the girls cackled as Jesse sighed, walking away with his cup of kool-aid. "god damn it yo when's walt gonna come out yo it's literally his own fucking cookout" "Pinkman." "Holy shit I didn't see you ASAC schrader yo." Jesse exhaled as Hank came out from the bushes in the backyard with a ping pong table, setting it down on the grass. "Sorry. I had to take cover behind the table in the bushes." "Why tf is there a ping pong table in the bushes yo." "Uh, ask Walt. Anyway, I thought you were on house arrest Pinkman?" "that never happened in the events of breaking bad yo" "Right. Anyway, have you seen Walt? I've gotta talk to him." "i havent seen him at all yo hes not even at his own fucking cookout" "Well, why don't we check in the house?" "good idea yo" "Thanks sonny." Hank scratched Jesse's head, earning him a purr as they walked to the house. They passed by Walt Jr. drowning in the pool as they went through the back door.
"WALT WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU" Hank screamed, followed with silence. "GODDAMNIT WHITE GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE" "yo asac whats all the negativity for yo" "shut the fuck up you junkie hippie" BANG. It resonated throughout the house, sounding like it came from all directions. Hank and Jesse positioned themselves back to back like they do in those action movies whenever two people happen to hear a sound coming from not one specific direction. "yo asac im- im scared yo" "Shut the fuck up." CRASH. Another sound, much louder and coming from all directions once again. "COME OUT YOU SON OF A BITCH" Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk... clunk.
"Gentlemen, ahem, and woman, I do hope I didn't interrupt in your sequence of positioning yourselves back to back like they do in those action movies whenever two people happen to hear a sound coming from not one specific direction." "SAUL???" Both yelled in unision as he came from a hallway, straightening his tie. "However, it is not you, Hank, I wish to speak with." He held out his palm, releasing a beam which sucked jesse in from his penis. "YO OUGHHHHHHHHGHHGHUGHHGH" He moaned as he was sucked toward Saul, Hank trying to reach out but then being repelled by a blast of wind. "Oh, ASAC, you poor soul. I know that you know, and you know what I'm about to do. And most of all... I know your purpose." Hank screamed as Saul merged with Jesse with a blast of light, a loud rumbling chuckle emerging from within, in the voice of only one person...
"Yes, Hank, it was your destiny to guide Jesse to us once again, and it is now your destiny to submit to the power of Jessaul Dingle!" A booming laugh erupted from Jessaul's throat as a tentacle popped out, rapidly ascending towards Hank. He screamed as it neared, but a force knocked him backwards right when the tentacle smashed into the ground. He groaned as his head hit the floor, the weight still on him as he looked up. "WALT???!!" "Hank, we need to leave. NOW." He grabbed Hank's hand and dashed out of the house, knocking everyone into the pool as they ran (Walt Jr. was dead by now). They quickly jumped into Walt's car, trying to ignore the distant yells of Jessaul growing louder and louder. "YOU SONS OF BITCHES CANT RUN FROM ME YO" Jessaul screamed as he quickly bounded towards the car, falling on the road as it sped off. Hank and Walt caught their breath as Walt drove down the main street. "Hah...hah...Walt, where were you...how did you..?" "Hush, Schrader. You are not yet aware of our purpose, of who we really are." "What do you mean?" "We were called by the prophecy, Hank. We were destined to be heroes." Walt took a sharp turn, already approaching the desert that borders Mexico. "We were in the prophecy. And now, we are needed. I know where we need to go."
Hank stared in awe at Walt as they finally took their last turn, approaching the 'Welcome to Mexico' sign.