On the fateful day of May 22, 2018, Hank Schrader Breaking Bad gently stroked the wrinkly cheek of his beloved husband, Heisenberg. Well, he was actually Walter White, but Hank didn't know that yet. He has prosopagnosia so he can't really connect the dots. Anyway, the morning was peaceful. It always is after a hardcore homoerotic night of [REDACTED]. "JESSE WE NEED TO COOK" Heisenberg loudly mumbled as Hank sighed. "Wow Heisenberg, you're so kawaii....(he learned that word from the twitters)" Speaking of Twitter, Hank decided to roll off the bed and open it on his phone, briefly typing in 'sex gifs' before sending it, closing his phone shortly after. That was his social media time for today. "hank what the fuck" Hank swiveled his head in the direction of Heisenberg, surprised by the sudden langauge. "Heisenberg," He quietly said, "language!!" Heisenberg 's eyes turned red (his rp name says his eyes turn red when hes angry) adn he bared his teeth (his rp name says he bares his teeth when hes angry), starg right at hank. "Hank dont tell me we did gay shit" Hank smiled, excited by the mention of homoerotic activity. "Oh, Heisenberg," He began. "we did SO much gay shit." Heisenberg looked conflicted before he smiled back at Hank, accepting his sexuality. "Hank, I think I'm gay." "You taught me that last night."
They were about to do more gay shit until Skyler opened the door. "Sir Schrader, i cleaned the house per your request. may i get food now?" Hank, clearly enraged, grabbed a nearby bottle and threw it at her head, killing her instantly. "NO" He screamed, about to charge her like a mad dog before Heisenberg ran in front of him in tears. "No! Hanky, stop it!" He placed his hands on his boobs. "This isn't you, Hank. I know this isn't. This isn't the Hank we all know," He motioned to the dead body of Skyler. "and love. Please Hank, this isn-" Skyler quickly hatched out of her newly formed cocoon, flying away to make way for Jesse at the door.
"Yo mista white" He called. "I got some of that shitty ass chicken you like" Hank also has severe ear wax obstruction so he didn't catch the fact he said white. "Thank you jesse" He said while smiling, gently stroking jesses cheek. "mista white what the fuck are you doing" "loving you." Jesse screamed as Heisenberg began to absorb his body with his ventricles, becoming one with his beloved Jesse. Jesse's cries and screams faded out as he eventually succumbed to the natural state of essence and benevolence.
"H-heisenberg..." Hank stuttered before Heisenberg brought a finger to his lips, silencing him. "Hank," He began. "It's time to get married."
Hank looked in shock as Heisenberg got on one knee, withdrawing his hand to then pull out a small, velvet box. He gently pulled the top as Hank gasped. "Hank, I've been questioning my sexuality for a long time. I always thought I was str*ight, even through all the sessions of hardcore playtime we had. But now, I know. Hank, will you..." Heisenberg looked up with sparkling eyes. "Will you marry me?" Hank began to sob, quickly dropping down to pull him into an embrace. "Heisey baby...,.,..I love you..." He said before pulling him in for a sloppy makeout session, this came to a halt when Heisenberg felt his stomach churn. "Oh...Jesse's boutta come through Hank...we gotta get to Los Pollos Hermanos FAST"
After the boys got to Los Pollos Hermanos, Heisenberg immeidately rushed to the potty while Hank took a seat, waiting for his husband. Hank wrinkled his nose as a familiar scent wafted into his nostrils. "Gustavo Fring," He waved the air near him. "Good morning." "Hank it's 4 in the fucking morning what could you possibly want" Hank snorted as he got up from the chair and flashing his engagement ring. "You're just jealous you don't have a husband." Gus cringed. "Are you talking about the man that went into the bathroom and is currently ripping it? Mr. White?" "What are you talking about silly Gus? That's not Mister White! That'd be my brother-in-law, which is pseudo-incest. You perv!" "Hank are you talking about the one shitting in the bathroom." Gus went forward and seized his collar. "Fucking answer me" Right when Gus was about to throw a punch, Gus was suddenly hit by a barrage of bullets, falling to the floor. "Heisenberg poo!! That took so long!!" "Yes I know. It's not easy shitting out a grown man. Anyway, lets get to marrying Hank."
"Mikeeee what if Heisey poo doens't like my dresssssssss........uwaaaaa......." "Hank stop fucking talking like that" The door opening, revealing Lydia's freshly shedded body, with her carrying her empty skin to her side. "I can't believe it Hank! I never thought I'd see the day where you married Mr. White." "Why do you guys keep saying that's him? It's not! He's Heisenberg. If it was Walt then that'd be incest!! Which I am against. I think. Yeah I'm against it. What's the laws here? Is it the same as Alabama? I mean if it is I don't have an issue. I mean I don't like incest but I don't hate it." Both Lydia and Mike stared at eachother before looking at him, staring. "Okay."
Heisenberg suddenly kicked down the door, crushing Mike and Lydia in the process. He didn't change at all which kind of turned on Hank. What a bad boy. "Hank we have to hurry NOW Jesse's not reacting too well to my stomach lining" Heisenberg squelched out as he cringed at the feeling of Jesse clawing at his insides. "O-okay, daddy..." Hank walked towards Heisenberg, expecting a punishment, but all he could focus on was the perfect way Hank's dress hugged his breasts and highlighted his (nonexistent) curves. He licked his lips and reached out his hand, but quickly pulled it back. No...not now. He must be punished later.... He rolled alongside to Hank, who waddled out the door, getting ready for marriage.
"Good 4 in the morning everyone," Called Saul Goodman from the hit Better Call Saul TV series. Instead of wearing a casual suit, he decided to go the fancy route by wearing nothing. He thought it would please Heisenberg because he had a crush on him, and he knows he likes Hank's cock and his cock is identical to Hank's cock because they compared it once in the bathroom.
Heisenberg had just stood up from the dinner table Saul, Hank, and Mike were eating at, stating blankly that he 'needed to rip his asshole a new one.' Of course, everyone took this literally; hes had a few ER trips to sew his mangled asshole back together. Anyway, Hank noticed that Saul had been staring a little too intensely at Heisenberg's ass. So, noticing an opportunity, expecially since Mike was busy shedding, he decided to bring up a question. "Hey Saul, you know he's my man, right?" "Whyever would you tell me that, Hank? I know better than you do that you're together..." Hank got up, seizing Saul's collar. "What does that mean, Saully boy?!" Saul quickly popped a stiff one at the nickname, tilting his mouth into an upwards smirk. "How about we see what it means, Hanky...?" Hank quickly caught on, smiling. "Alright then...let's wait until Heisenberg's out of the potty and then...maybe...we can see whose the real plimbo male now."
Saul sighed at the pleasant memory, and in the gay sexual intercourse that followed. They both were sure to say no homo though, before and after, as their rivalry to catch the heart of Heisenberg needed to stay strong. Saul noticed that he had a raging erection while he was still standing in front of the crowd consisting of Albuquerque's 4 citizens. He cleared his throat, lifting the shit-covered bible he was holding and flipping through random pages, not even reading from it. "Today, we are all gathered here to witness the bearing of the child by Sir Heisenberg and Sir Schrader." He motioned out behind the crowd, beckoning to the crinkled up figures in the back. "Now now you two, no time to shed; please, come out!"
Heisenberg quickly slid out of the manhole,(yes they were gettign ready in a sewer i didn mention that) following by Hank crawling next to him. They had no concievable emotion on their face, simply needing to get the marriage over with so Jesse didn't rip out of Heisenberg's gatsrointestinal cavity. As they both passed Gus in the crowd, they wrinkled their nose, feeling his rancidness pierce their nostrils. "Good lord, Gus, take a fucking wash!" "You better haul your ass over there right fucking now White." Gus hissed in response to Heisenberg as they continued walking, finally reaching Saul who whistled at his presence. "Well, you're a hot piece of ass, Walt!" Hank's accumulating earwax happens to block out both the words Walter and White, but it didn't block out Saul coming onto his husband. "Saul, not fucking now. Jesse's trying to get out." "Oh my, I guess we really should hurry. Don't want a second metamorphosis of his to go on again down there do we? Remember last time when he emerged from your stomach after maturing from his larval stage..." Saul sneaked one final glance at Heisenberg's ass before clearing his throat again.
"Alright, lets just get this shit over with. How do marriages work?" Hank narrowed his eyes at Heisenberg. "...gay men sexual intercourse..." Heisenberg looked at him in disgust. "Gay? Intercourse? Hank, you know I'm homophobic. I hate gay people..." Heisenberg groaned as he rubbed his temple. "We've been over this..." Saul stared. "What is this. What the fuck are you doing. I set up this whole thing..." Saul motioned to the weeds Hank was carrying picked from his front yard. "...for you guys to be FAKE HOMOSEXUALS??? FOR LIKES ON THE TWITTER??????" Hank gasped, tears in his eyes. "Heisenberg what the fuck. All that hardcore anal sex for nothing? Heisenberg, do you KNOW the sheer amount of ER visits I had to schedule for you because I tore your ass up with those anal beads? What the fuck? We went to that pride parade on Wednesday and had the best orgy of our lives. Yet you deny your sexuality?" Hank threw the weeds to the ground. "DIDNT YOU LUTERALLY FUCKING SAY YOU WERE GAY EARLIER" Heisenberg rolled his eyes. "HEISENBERG JESSES GONNA FUCKING RIP OUT OF YOUR STOMACH LINING IF WED ONT MARRY YOURE GONNA FUCKING DIE" Right as he said that, Heisenberg suddenly collapsed, coughing out blood as his stomach morphed into different shapes. Gus, trying not to face withdrawal from not browsing the inflation tag on E621, quickly ran out of the reception before he could pop a stiff one. Saul was somewhere. I don't know where but he's gone now.
"Heisenberg!" Hank cried out as he reached toward him, but he immediately exploded, revealing the hatching cocoon of what was assumed to be Jesse. Hank quickly felt his sorrows melt away as he gently stroked the pile of flesh and organs. "Shh shh...it's okay Jesse. Daddy Hank's here." The flesh made a gargling noise before it started ripping open, revealing...WALTER WHITE??!
"WALT!! WHAT THE FUCK!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE" Hank screamed in rage at the sight of his brother-in-law. "Hank? How the fuck did you not realize." "realize what?" Walter quickly remembered his diagnosis of prosopagnosia at the age of 6. He pointed to himself. "Walter. Walter white. I am Walter white." He then turned around and put on his hat, turning back around to hear Hank gasp. "Is...Heisenberg!! When did you get here? Oh, I just saw Walt!! I don't know what he was doing here, but-" Walter took off his hat. "WALT???? WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHAT AHPPENED TO MY HUBBY!!" Something clicked in Hank's underdeveloped brain. "Ohh. You're Heisenberg."
At that, Walter made a mad dash for Hank, grabbing his throat. "Walt, does that mean we had gay incestual buttsex all along???" He croaked out. "Yes." Walter quickly flipped over Hank, and since he was wearing a wedding dress he had easy access to...yeah. He pulled out what appeared to be anal beads. "These...rocks. These rocks need to be with you, Hank. They need to be inside you. That's what Marie told me." Walter began to aim to be cut off by Hank's shriek.
Suddenly, Saul Goodman from the hit Better Call Saul TV series busts in the room. "Its Sauling time" he says, cock out. "Kim Wexler wasn't making me too happy last night, so maybe daddy Hesenberg can help me out?" Walt shrieked as Hank made his escape. Saul then stood there, looking at Walter. "Where's Heisenberg? He promised to give me some sloppy toppy for some medium fries." He shook the bag of stale Mcdonald's fries. Walt didn't know what to say until he finally embraced his sexuality for the 6th time. "I'm...Heisenberg." Saul smirked, shaking the fries. "Well...let's get started, Walty."